Inner Work
Your Do Not Disappoint List
While self-validation should be your primary focus, there should be someone whose knowledge of your self-induced failure would devastate you.
Although I am a huge proponent and practitioner of self-validation which Steven Pressfield preaches in his master work “Turning Pro,” I do believe that some degree of external validation is necessary, and those you choose to allow the privilege of judging you should meet strict criteria.
Personally, for myself, the ratio of self- to external validation that results in my best performance is 95% to 5%.
Knowing you can always improve yourself and feeling a responsibility to do so, personally and to others is a key healthy motivation mechanism.
“You are not everything you can be…and you know it.” - Jordan Peterson
A hybrid manifestation of self-validation and external validation is what I call a DND - a “Do Not Disappoint List”.
This is a list of people whose opinions, worldview and perspective I have tremendous respect for. They are not only incredibly successful in their own businesses or lives but also have exhibited the qualities I admire most - resilience, persistence, values-based leadership, discipline and honesty.
Large Network and Small Squad
Individuals on my list represent those who have made life and business choices for the right reasons, meaning there was some greater legacy or values-based outcome as their primary decision filter over other filters such as comfort, financial gain, expediency, etc.
The decisions I make in my life which have potentially huge business and life impacts are ones which I always ask myself what the people on my DND list would think of both the decisions and of me making those decisions - and their disappointment in me would be devastating.
Devastating meaning…when I think about disappointing the people on my list I feel physical pain, like a punch to the gut.
Filters I use when considering someone for the list include their values, their “Professionalism” (in the Steven Pressfield sense) and authority earned as “Experts” (filters noted in thisLegg Mason article) in their field in terms of business acumen.
They are each one someone my grandmother used to call “good people” in the individual sense disregarding all grammar standards. “That Susan, she’s good people.”
I look at their qualities as amazing human beings in terms of the life, relationship and career decisions I make for myself.
For example, if this person was in the room seeing how I am conducting myself in ‘this relationship’ or ‘how I am communicating with this other person,’ would they be proud of or disappointed in me?
“I’d like to feel, live, lead, work, and flow like that.”
Who might populate your list? It could be family members, mentors, peers, friends, business associates or someone you have done business with or met in your personal life whose accomplishments, worldview, vibe, approach to business or life etc. you saw or experienced and thought “I’d like to feel, live, lead, work, and flow like that.”
The beauty of a Do Not Disappoint List is that the list is personal to you.
You do not need to inform the people on your list of their status as ideal people who you hold in this regard or aspire to emulate of their existence of being on your list.
“It’s yourself you gotta be proud of, Huckleberry.”- Martin Sheen in Wall Street
None of the people on my list know they are on my list. In that sense it is a self-validation tool based on being completely honest with yourself.
You may have different people on the list that represent different filters for your decision-making or accountability needs - one size does not fit all even in striving to live up to the expectations of those who matter most to you.
It’s that time of year - reviewing the past twelve months, setting new goals and priorities, making agreements with yourself to be disciplined, making tradeoffs in service of what matters most for you to achieve in the new year in your career and your life.
That makes it a great time to meditate on managing your future regret and identify those people whose disapproval and disappointment would be devastating if you do not achieve your goals due to self-sabotage or not realizing your full potential by choosing comfort over meaning.
Work with Damon
Ready to apply this playbook to your context?
[Editor's Note: This article was originally published on December 24, 2025, by Damon D'Amore via Results Over Regrets. It is republished here with permission.]